This is a post and reply to it i found on a forum by searching for funny sex stories on google:


lets share some funny sex stories

i got a hilarious one

i was pumping my girlfriend real good, she was on top. then she got off and then screamed a blood curling scream I said "hey i know im small but im not THAT small" but then i could tell she wasn't joking so I look at my dick and its completely covered in blood. then i start to scream my damn self. I went to the light and saw i ripped a tissue under my penis. I stopped the bleeding but it took a while. i had to go to the doctor later on which was embarassing. he told me it was my frenulum(sp?) that ripped and it's common among those who are uncircumcised. once it rips you dont' need to worry about it.

weird shit


The reply

Hi Jonathan. Circumcision IS mutilation. It is NOT Natural - PERIOD!!! God never intended our penis to lose it's "covering". You lose sensation with circumcision. A person should be able to feel EVERY bit of sensation as God intended and not because of some agenda by the "religious zealots". Whether it be with a Man or Woman - it is perfectly natural. Homosexuality and Bisexuality DOES EXIST in Nature. Take Care, John H.

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Some cool funny and sometimes sexy photos i found on the net:































































































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A WORKER was injured this afternoon when his penis became caught in machinery at a northern suburbs saw mill.

The man, 30, was working at the Parafield Gardens Saw Mill at about 1.50pm when his crotch and penis became caught in the chain of a piece of machinery.

He was taken to the Royal Adelaide Hospital. It is believed his injuries are not life threatening but he initially suffered uncontrollable bleeding.

A company spokesman said the man's injuries were not serious.

"He got caught in the log moving mechanism on one of the saws," he said.


Some funny comments i found:

What's the bet he just happened to walk past the machinery and fell over and his old fella happened to slip into the machine. Happens all the time.

His new nickname would have to be STUMPY!

Well it certainly wouldn't be possible to call him Jack Handy

gives a whole new meaning to cracking a woodiy

He must feel like a knob......

sounds like he was giving him self a saw job!!

At least he's got a good excuse if he wants to get out of any sex tonight!

i knew a bloke that put his penis into marriage and had similar injuries

Yeah, his knob is called M.I.A.............

He's one tough nut!

Bit of a "cock up"

What a dick!






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A woman who ripped off her ex-boyfriend's testicle with her bare hands is set to be released.

Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage when Geoffrey Jones, 37, rejected her advances at the end of a house party, Liverpool Crown Court heard.

She pulled off his left testicle and tried to swallow it, before spitting it out. A friend handed it back to Mr Jones saying: "That's yours."

Monti admitted wounding and was jailed for two-and-a-half years.


'Pulled hard'

Sentencing Monti, Judge Charles James said it was "a very serious injury" and that Monti was not acting in self-defence.

The court heard that Mr Jones had ended his long-term but "open relationship" with Monti towards the end of May last year.

The pair remained on good terms and on 30 May she picked him up from a party in Crosby and went back for drinks with friends at Mr Jones's house.

An argument ensued and Mr Jones said there was a struggle between them.

In his statement, Mr Jones said she grabbed his genitals and "pulled hard".

He added: "That caused my underpants to come off and I found I was completely naked and in excruciating pain."

The court heard that a friend saw Monti put Mr Jones's testicle into her mouth and try to swallow it.

She choked and spat it back into her hand before the friend grabbed it and gave it back to Mr Jones. Doctors were unable to re-attach the organ.

In a letter to the court, Monti said she was sorry for what she had done.

She said: "It was never my intention to cause harm to Geoff and the fact that I have caused him injury will live with me forever. I am in no way a violent person."

The letter added: "I have challenged myself to explain what has happened but still I just cannot remember. This has caused much anguish to me and will do for the rest of my life."

Guys hide your nuts cause Monti's on the loose!







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An 80-year-old man has appeared in Court on a charge of rape, after a job-seeker from South Africa claimed he was lured to his house under false pretences and then forced to commit sexual acts.

The man allegedly threatened him by keeping a snake close at hand.

The complainant alleges he was standing in Caledon Street, Somerset West, on 23 November, looking for work along with other day-labourers.

At about 08:45 an elderly man stopped and offered him a gardening job, according to Constable Suzan Jantjies, spokesperson for the Somerset West police.

When they got to the man's house, the job seeker didn't suspect anything.

Snake

Only when they entered the house and the man locked the doors behind them, did he realise that something was wrong, Jantjies added.

According to the complainant, the man brought a snake into the house and forced him to watch a pornographic film.

With the snake next to him, the complainant was also forced to commit sexual acts. He was also raped.

Then he was chased off the premises, said Jantjies.

Just Imagine a sweet old man walking with a cruch in his right hand and a... SNAKE in the other. And then he tells you to bend over...








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A 30-year-old man from Johannesburg was off to play pool when three women asked him to direct them to a hotel and he claims they raped him in turn after they had had drinks.

The man was walking from his flat to an entertainment centre shortly after 17:00 on Sunday night when three women in a maroon BMW stopped him.

Captain Paula Nothnagel of the police said the women, aged between 20 and 30, asked him how to get to the Savoy Hotel.

"He explained, but they apparently insisted he should go with them to show them the way.

"He got into the car with them," she said.

On arriving at the hotel the women invited him for a drink.

After drinks and a chat, they asked him to show them where the Station Hotel was.

"On the way to the hotel, the driver suddenly changed direction and drove to an open piece of veld near the Durban Roodepoort Deep mine.

Kept gun on him all the time

"One of the women pulled out a gun and held up the man while the other two undressed.

"Then all three of them raped him in turn, with one of them keeping the gun pointed at him," said Nothnagel.

When they had finished, they forced the man back into the car and dropped him off in Main Ridge Road shortly before 02:00. He walked home and contacted the police on Monday.

Nothnagel said detectives from the police unit for family violence, child protection and sexual offences were still trying to trace the women.

Who in their right mind goes to the police after having a foursome with 3 women? Well maybe they were real munters borderline trannies with dark facial hair...





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